Why I Let Children Eat Dessert First

     Conventional wisdom has taught us that children have to be told to eat their meals before they can have dessert. Instead of teaching children healthy eating habits, however, I believe this rule can actually foster an unhealthy relationship with food, and creates potential conflict where none needs to exist.

 

  Sweets Should Not Be A Reward; Healthy Food Is Not A Chore

    
     Making children eat their healthy food before they can have their sweets causes them to view sweets as a reward, and healthy foods as a chore--a burdensome task that has to be undertaken before they can have what they really want.

     When my siblings and I were children, my parents required us to eat all the food on our plates before we could have dessert or leave the table. Numerous times, my more stubborn brothers would sit at the table for hours after the meal had ended, simply to prove that nobody could force them to eat vegetables. And to what end? Those hours didn't make my brothers love or value vegetables any more.

     Many parents enforce a similar "clean your plate" rule or a rule where their child has to eat a certain number of bites of [meat, vegetables, fish, etc.] before they can move on to dessert. However, I believe such rules do little to ingrain healthy eating habits, and in fact may create unhealthy ones. Eating vegetables, meat, fish, and grains becomes a chore.

     Of course, these rules are made with the best of intentions. We want our children to be nourished, and we want them to learn to eat sugar in moderation. But when children learn to view sweets as a reward, eating them activates feelings of happiness and pride. In this way, sweets become a "comfort food" as children grow into teenagers and adults--precisely the opposite of how we want our children to feel.

Make Food A Choice

     At school, we allow the children to choose how to eat their lunch. The food in their lunchbox is all theirs, and they can eat as much or as little as they wish, in whatever order they wish.

     I know many parents don't like the idea of their child eating only their sweets at lunchtime, and leaving the rest of their lunch untouched. But the solution is simple: parents should only pack food that they would want their children to eat. After a morning filled with fun activities and plenty of outdoor time, children are hungry and do not often need encouragement to eat their lunches. Even without treats as a reward, many children finish all or most of the food that is packed for them.

     At home, it can be a little trickier to get the child to eat healthy foods if she knows that there are treats in the cupboard and freezer. But again there is a simple solution: fill the pantry and refrigerator only with food that you would be comfortable with our children eating. If the children ask, allow them to look through the cupboards for cookies and candy. Finding none, they will realize that sweets are not an option and they will have to choose from the options that are available, such as the healthy meal you provided, or, if you are ok with it, another healthy option from the pantry or refrigerator.

     Allowing a child to choose from a selection of foods that we define empowers the child. An empowered child is less likely to engage in power struggles. And when mealtime ceases to be a power struggle, not only will mealtimes be more pleasant, but children will be more likely to make healthy, balanced choices.

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Family Style Dining in Preschool: A How-To Guide

Transitioning to family style dining can be an intimidating task for many teachers. Its easy to imagine a free-for-all occurring when the children have direct access to the meal, or mounds of spilled food all over the floor. In order for family style dining to work, you have to be prepared and you will need lots of patience.

To begin, child-sized dishes and utensils are a must. If things are too big, the children will not be able to manipulate them. This will lead to lots of spilled food and both children and adults getting frustrated. Here are the bowls and serving utensils we are using now at Aspen Leaf Preschool. Everything is inexpensive (it's all form Ikea, actually). The silver pitchers are meant to be for frothing milk but they are the perfect size for preschoolers. Our serving bowls are food storage container minus the lids. They came in a pack of five and we usually use the middle-sized ones. The small serving utensils were in the children's section and are meant to be toys, but they are just perfect for serving food. They are even dishwasher safe!

 These are the dishes we use (they're also from Ikea).

I have the children help me put the food into the serving bowls. Usually I'll choose one or two children to help with this, and one or two others to set the table. At the beginning, I'll set a napkin at each seat and instruct the children to place one bowl or plate on top of each napkin.

Then one cup and one spoon or fork on each plate. Later, when they have gotten used to the process, they are able to set the dishes out without the napkins marking the spots.

We always wait for everyone to sit down before starting the meal. To pass the time while we wait for everyone to sit down, I ask the children to open their napkins and "set their places." A set place looks like the picture below.

Once everyone is at the table, we sing (about our hands):

 Open, shut them,
Open, shut them,
Give a little clap, clap, clap.
 Open, shut them,
Open, shut them,
Put them in your lap, lap, lap.
 
This helps to get everyone's attention, calm the children down, and let them know that the meal is about to start. Before passing the bowls around, I show the children how many of each food they should take. I do this by serving myself and narrating what I'm doing. For example I would take two scoops of cereal and say, "This is the cereal. I can take two scoops. One, two. Now I'm going to pass it."

If we are having toast or bagels, I will set out a bowl of jelly. The children take a scoop of jelly with the serving spoon and then spread it with their knives (whenever we use knives we talk about how to be careful with them. Even though they are only plastic, it is important for children to know how to be safe with them).

The hardest part about family style dining is allowing the children to pour their own drinks. Inevitably they are going to spill, and at the beginning they are going to spill every time. But practice makes perfect and after a week or so, everyone will being pouring pretty well. For the first couple of weeks, I will use two pitchers. One big and one small one. I'll fill the big one with milk or water and pour only little bits into the smaller pitcher at a time. The children then pour from the small one. This way they can pour all of it without over-flowing their cups.

Once they get used to pouring, I fill the small pitcher about half way and show them how to stop pouring before the cup over flows.The first time a child pours without spilling is a big deal and I always make sure to compliment him or her.

At the end of the meal, each child cleans up his or her own place. We have a nice big sink in the classroom for all the dirty dishes, while napkins and uneaten food are placed in the trash. Every day we talk about what goes in the trash and what goes in the sink. If you're not mindful, you'll end up losing all of your dishes to the garbage!

Make sure to always sit down with the class and demonstrate the kinds of behaviors you expect from them. In order for this to work, the teachers have to lead by example. So make sure to set a place for yourself! Once everyone gets used to family style dining, you will find that it is much easier than making plates for the children and serving them. It is also much more pleasant to sit at the table with the children and have a conversation than it is to stand over them refilling their plates and cups.

To read about the benefits of using family style dining, check out my earlier post Family Style Dining in Preschool: Why it's Important.

Train Buffet

This morning we set up a train buffet for morning snack. Before the children arrived, I used painters tape to make a train track around one of our classroom tables. 

 When it was time to eat, I set out different snacks in bowls around the the track. We told the children that these were stations where they could load their trains. 

 For the trains, I cut the tops off of several egg cartons and cut the bottoms in half lengthwise. When it was time to eat, we gave each child a section of egg carton and showed them how to chug around the track, stop at each station, and load their train with food. 

 The children enjoyed this so much that snack time went on for over half an hour as they returned to the train buffet for seconds and thirds. It was such a big hit that I think we will have to do it again tomorrow!